Finally!

I finally have a place to rant out my frustrations! Just the thought of it makes me feel so good! Oh before I begin lemme start wid a lil background info bout myself..........I m 26,a doctor,working in India,single........and a lesbian! Yah,dats right I m a lesbian AND I am Indian....a frustrating combination if u ask me......and no prizes for guessing I haven't come out yet! Not that I don't want to,I do....its just that I don't think I can do it! U see its bad enough I come from a middle class family but I am in a profession involving continuous interaction with people coming from all strata of society and I just don't think its something that'll go down very well with a majority of them. I can already hear some of you saying "Why care so much about what people think?" I have to,all I ever wanted to do ever since I can remember is be a doctor. And I cannot have that taken away from me! In our society,whats different is bad! Period! My folks have been pretty lenient with me so far,but I am not too sure they will see my point either,besides I cant expect them to! They are waiting to get me married off to a "nice guy"! Jeez! I havent said anything so far cause my dad has literally put his entire lifes savings into my education and I somehow feel I owe him big time and it would be real ungrateful of me to shiock them like that. Add to that an elder sister who is engaged-and whose engagement might be called off if the grooms parents get to know about my sexual orientation-you will agree I have a huge problem on my hands! Oh dont ask me how my orientation has anything to do with my sister or her wedding or husband-to-be or in-laws-to-be......dats one question you should never ever ask in India.....here everyone has everything to do with each thing that happens to anyone! Phew! This really gets to me cause I lived in Europe for 8years and nobody really bothers you so much there! I know its not right to compare,but I just cant help it! After spending so much time in Europe (I wont say where exactly),India feels like a huge federal prison with everyone watching each and every step of mine and I get this feeling I am being scrutinised every waking moment of my life! Sounds bad I know and I am sorry if I bummed anyone out,its just that today is one of my off days and this feels like such a great place to be myself! I feel better already! :) Nyways,have to get back to work,dont want people dying just because I need to rant out my feelings! Will get back with more later! Ciao!